I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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