I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Randomize