Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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