i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
handjob tips. give me some.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize