waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
