I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize