i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
