I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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