I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
