perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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