Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
