someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You're like the curious george of whores
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
