My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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