Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
