Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
