i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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