I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
