so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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