this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
