He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
