um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
