Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
