You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
