i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
