hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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