No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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