I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
