Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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