yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My feet surprised me
Randomize
