apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
