If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
