Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
