That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
