One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
