Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
