fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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