Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
