this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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