I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my shit smells like andre
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
