Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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