The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
