It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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