We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
