just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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