I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
