All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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