i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You're like the curious george of whores
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
