Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
