Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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