Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Randomize
