the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
