I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
