omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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