she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
