I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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