there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize