If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
