she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
