what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
