His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
