i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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