your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
