I'm sorry my penis didn't work
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
