i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize