We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize