Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize