Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
COCAINE IS GR8
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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