Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
